You want your writing to be vivid, not vague. Let’s look at the definition of each of those “V” words to get a more vivid picture of what I’m getting at.

*Definitions are from Dictionary.com. I’ve boldfaced the parts of the definitions I’m most stressing.*

Vivid:

1.     strikingly bright or intense, as color, light, etc.: a vivid green.
2.     full of life; lively; animated: a vivid personality.
3.     presenting the appearance, freshness, spirit, etc., of life; realistic: a vivid account.
4.     strong, distinct, or clearly perceptible: a vivid recollection.
5.     forming distinct and striking mental images: a vivid imagination.

Vague:

1.     not clearly or explicitly stated or expressed: vague promises.
2.     indefinite or indistinct in nature or character, as ideas or feelings: a vague premonition of disaster.
3.     not clear or distinct to the sight or any other sense; perceptible or recognizable only in an indefinite way: vague shapes in the dark; vague murmurs behind a door.
4.     not definitely established, determined, confirmed, or known; uncertain: a vague rumor; The date of his birth is vague.

Vivid and Poetic Writing

In his essay, Politics And The English Language, George Orwell translated “a passage of good English into modern English of the worst sort,” as he put it. He cited a famous passage from the Bible, King James Version–Ecclesiastes 9:11:

“I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

That is a poetic, elegant sentence expressing a clear and profound insight on the nature of human life while calling up strong mental images.

Vague and Pretentious Writing

Orwell rewrote that verse from Ecclesiastes into modern English (he wrote this in the 1940’s), and here’s the result:

“Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.”

Yes, his rewrite is over the top, but he used the type of writing that many people then and now consider to be “intelligent” and “professional.”

Breaking It Down

Orwell elucidates:

“The whole tendency of modern prose is away from concreteness. Now analyse these two sentences a little more closely. The first contains 49 words but only 60 syllables, and all its words are those of everyday life. The second contains 38 words of 90 syllables: 18 of its words are from Latin roots, and one from Greek.” [Emphasis mine]

He really gets to the problem here:

“The first sentence contains six vivid images, and only one phrase (’time and chance’) that could be called vague. The second contains not a single fresh, arresting phrase, and in spite of its 90 syllables it gives only a shortened version of the meaning contained in the first.” [Emphasis mine]

The sentence from Ecclesiastes is simple, clear, direct, and filled with everyday words–it’s extremely elegant and profoundly poetic. And it vigorously hits you with vivid images that resonate, that make the sentence come to life and make you ponder its idea.

In contrast, the modern English version is filled with pretentious words and utterly lacking in vivid imagery–it’s terrible writing that doesn’t convey its message memorably at all–who would even continue to read it after the first line or two? The sentence is boring, hard to understand, and certainly doesn’t impact you in anywhere near the way the original version does.

How to Make this Work for You

Try to make your meaning as clear as possible without concerning yourself how “professional” your writing comes across. Strive for clarity, such that anyone can immediately deduce your central point.

Try to create concrete images in your writing by using real, “earthy” words, words that describe actual things actually. Use words from everyday life, words that most people are easily familiar with, words that really mean something concrete and substantive–as the author of Ecclesiastes did.

The “biggest” words that author used were perhaps understanding and happeneth–not particularly big words, either. Everything else was short, simple, and–the key here–substantive. The rewrite used tons of words like commensurate, invariably, and phenomena–all words that have their place, but not when they’re lumped in with a whole bunch of words that all sound like that.

Ironically, you’re much more likely to evoke striking images by using simple, “everyday” words than you would be if you’re too focused on how smart you sound.

Also, by clearly and simply and honestly expressing your message, you stand a much better chance of producing something elegant than you ever will by trying to write elegantly in the first place, as that often ends up devolving into pretension and vagueness.

A Disclaimer

Finally, this is not a call to always use the most basic word possible or to dumb down your writing or to always avoid using little-known, more descriptive words. I’m all about expanding one’s vocabulary so that you more readily and naturally can insert unique words into your prose.

In fact, in this very post, I’ve used words like elucidate, deduce, and substantive–not necessarily “big” words that we rarely hear, but I could have used explain, understand, and solid instead and been more immediately clear to a wider audience.

It works, though, because I’ve mixed those lesser-known words in with mostly everyday words. I’ve seasoned my prose here and there with them rather than lumping lots of them together.

Herewith:

William Strunk, Jr., The Elements of Style:

“Omit needless words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.”

George Orwell, Politics and the English Language:

“If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.”

I know I tend to ramble on in some of my blog posts, simply because I can. Unlike the articles I write for publication, there’s no word count here at Robust Writing to restrict how much I can write.

That’s another tip, actually–in addition to adhering to the advice above (saying only what’s necessary), perhaps we should set a word count (say, 500 words) for most of our posts. That will help us to write in a way that omits needless words and forces us to cut out words that don’t really add anything.

Simple to say.

So, why don’t people say it anymore when someone helps them out?

In the year that I’ve been blogging about writing topics (first at my old blog, Vigorous Writing, and now here at Robust Writing), from time to time, I’ll get an email from a reader asking for advice on how to improve their writing skills or what my perspective is on some grammar issue–questions like that.

I always try to answer thoughtfully, honestly, and promptly.

I’d say half the time I never hear back from those people.

It takes seconds to hit reply in email and say, “Thank you.”

Don’t get me wrong–my feelings aren’t hurt. I’m kind of like whatever.

But…it strikes me as a selfish lack of class to ask someone to help you out, and then completely ignore them as soon as they do.

I’ve noticed this throughout the year that I’ve been blogging. I finally decided to point this out.

There are plenty of people who respond with a thanks and I thank them for doing so. It does seem to run about 50/50, though.

Folks, you can do what you want, but if you have any sense of class and maturity and gratitude, when someone helps you out–why wouldn’t you acknowledge it?

• Know exactly what your message is: write exactly that.

• Write like you talk.

• Create a blog and write often, exposing yourself to public critique.

• Participate in writing challenges, like this one at 22 Words. You’re reading my entry.  Challenge ends Sunday night. Hurry!

With so many people who read blogs using feed readers (and having lots of regularly updated blogs in there), often the decision to read a particular post is based on the post’s headline. That decision can be made, irrevocably, in less than a second as the reader is skimming through all of the updated blogs, trying to decide which posts look interesting.

A Prominent News Website Example

I read the Drudge Report regularly, and Drudge usually has links to all the important stories of the day listed on one page, both major news stories and little-known news stories. It’s all there in one place, negating the need for me to watch the (generally) mentally vapid, soul-destroying wasteland known as 24-hour news cable television.

**Rant…Hannity? Olbermann? Simply partisan hacks on opposite sides not at all interested in fairly representing people on the other aisle. Give me Bob Schieffer any day.

Another Rant…I watched the final McCain/Obama debate and after a few minutes of seeing 14 commentators on CNN (for the post-debate analysis) jockey with each other to tell me what I just saw the two candidates say, I vowed to stick to the web and the radio for my campaign coverage. I can’t even describe the absurdity of that many people….

Rants over.**

By linking to a seemingly minor story with major importance, Drudge can influence the news cycle for the mainstream media for the rest of the week, ala Joe the Plumber, taking a conversation caught on video between a presidential candidate and an average American and driving the media to tackle the capitalism vs. socialism debate.

I decide which stories to click over to based on the headlines he gives them: intriguing headline, I read it; boring headline, I probably don’t. That’s how it often is with most of us for anything we see on the Internet.

Presidential Candidates’ Book Titles Example

In keeping with the election theme of this post, I want to quickly look at the book titles of some of the presidential candidates (some still in the race, some long since out), noting which titles are likely to attract readers and which probably induce yawning and complete disinterest.

Most of these books are probably similar: campaign advertisements in book form. Not too interesting. Nevertheless, good book titles, like good blog post headlines, can increase the likelihood that readers will give the author a chance.

Titles I Like

• Ending Poverty in America: How to Restore the American Dream by John Edwards

• Hard Call: Great Decisions and the Extraordinary People Who Made Them by John McCain

• In Mortal Danger: The Battle for America’s Border and Security by Tom Tancredo

Titles I Really Don’t Like

• Letters from Nuremberg: My Father’s Narrative of a Quest for Justice by Chris Dodd

• Living History by Hillary Clinton

• Promises to Keep: On Life and Politics by Joe Biden

The best titles give a clear idea right away of what the book is about and address a compelling issue: ending poverty, hard decisions made by great people, America is in mortal danger!

We all want to end poverty, learn how to make hard decisions, and if our country is in danger, we want to win that battle. Give me that book!

The worst titles are incredibly bland and vague, offering little reason to pick them up.

Dodd’s father wrote letters while on a quest, Clinton is living history (aren’t we all?), and Biden keeps his promises? I’m not motivated to read yet.

Solid Advice For Choosing Good Blog Post Headlines and Book Titles

The authors, editors, and publishers should have heeded the advice on choosing a book title given by Tim Ferriss, a first-time author who soared to #1 on both the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal business best-seller lists.

In an interview for Write to Done, Leo Babauta asks Ferriss,

“The 4-Hour Workweek really took off, even before it was sold, in part because of its fabulous title and theme — it really connected with people, excited them, made them want to read more. Tell us about how you hit upon the idea of the book, how you crafted the title to the exciting few words it ended up becoming. Did you think about having a title/theme that made people instantly curious?” [Emphasis mine]

Ferriss’ intriguing answer:

“If bloggers should spend 70% of their time on the post headline, writers should spend — not 70% of their writing time, of course — but at least a few weeks on the title and title testing, if needed.  I’m amazed by how amazing writers will regularly settle for the most mediocre of titles. I set up Google Adwords campaigns to test the “headlines” (titles) and “ad text” (subtitles) that worked best in combination, using keywords related to content (world travel, retirement, etc.) as the fixed variables.” [Emphasis mine]

Whether you’re writing blog posts or books, the headlines and titles you choose are incredibly important for attracting readers. Spend some quality time thinking through how best to choose a catchy, provocative, yet thoroughly honest headline before publishing anything.

Finally, as this is an election-themed blog post, if you’re a United States citizen, go vote next Tuesday, November 4th. The cool thing about blogging is we can all express our views. That’s also the cool thing about voting.

Find out where to vote here.

Orwell uses the term “scrupulous writer,” but today we would probably say “precise writer.” Scrupulous and precise mean essentially the same thing: both words indicate someone who wants to be exact, to get their task or performance accomplished as clearly and correctly as possible.

Orwell wrote:

“A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:

1. What am I trying to say?
2. What words will express it?
3. What image or idiom will make it clearer?
4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect? And he will probably ask himself two more:
5. Could I put it more shortly?
6. Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?“ [Emphasis mine]

For those writers not interested in such questions, Orwell then warns,

“But you are not obliged to go to all this trouble. You can shirk it by simply throwing your mind open and letting the ready-made phrases come crowding in. They will construct your sentences for you — even think your thoughts for you, to a certain extent — and at need they will perform the important service of partially concealing your meaning even from yourself.”

In other words, by being casual about what you write, you can easily regurgitate the tons of cliches and other overused words, phrases, symbols, and ideas floating around in the public consciousness–but you risk sounding like everyone else and ending up with a bland style, and perhaps, an unclear meaning.

Wait–anyone can write, right?

Well, most of us can write, if by that we mean putting words on paper and expressing our ideas. But there’s a huge difference between simply expressing an idea and selling that idea. And of course, selling is crucial to the success of almost any business.

While plenty of businesses generate many of their clients through word of mouth because they provide exceptional quality, those same businesses often still have some written communications that represent them to the public. Perhaps it’s the copy on their website, an ad in the phone book, or a sign hanging on their window.

Of course, there are also many businesses who have extensive amounts of written communication they provide to the public–they may have a large website, with write-ups for each product or service they offer; they may want a regularly updated blog to promote engagement with their customers or bring in search engine results for their main website; they may produce lots of product or services brochures; and they may run regular advertisements on radio or in newspapers.

What am I Getting at?

A banker, painter, or baker knows how to bank, paint, or bake, but chances are they don’t know how to write clearly, correctly, and persuasively–at least, in such a way that will present their business professionally and attractively, as well as generate customer interest and sales.

An accomplished professional writer can write that way. So, if you own a business and want to create a more professional and appealing public image, you should consider hiring a professional writer.

Here are Some Concrete Reasons to Consider

Laura Spencer, a professional freelance writer who runs the blog Writing Thoughts, has written a helpful post entitled Ten Reasons Why You Should Hire a Professional Writer. You should read the entire post, but I’ll list a few of her reasons that jumped out at me:

• “They will take the time to do the job right….If writing is not your full-time career, do you really have the time to write what you need? A professional will make the time for your project.”

• “They can help you avoid cliches and overworked angles and find a fresh way of describing your information….A writing professional can recognize overused and overworked ideas and help you find a fresh and unique slant for your specific needs.”

• “A writer provides a second set of eyes….A professional writer is trained to look for mistakes and for sentences that can be misunderstood. You don’t want mistakes in your copy. Even a single misplaced decimal point can hurt your business. There’s a big difference between $25.00 and $250.00!”

• “A good writer can help you project a consistent image through your writing….A good writer can suggest a unique style that is right for your business. Having a unique voice in your writing can help you brand your business.”

Laura has six more important reasons that are worth checking out.

Yes, you could write your own copy, but should you? It’s your call of course, but if you need some help, I know an experienced writer you should contact–me. Check out my portfolio for examples of my published work, and, if you have any writing needs, contact me.

“Our office will be closed from 12 noon until 1:30PM for a meeting today. Sorry for any incontinence.”

That is hilarious.

I looked at it in disbelief for a moment before deciding that this was worthy of being the first picture I take with my new camera cell phone–I can’t wait to show it to my author uncle, who will get a major laugh from it.

Obviously, the person meant to write “inconvenience” instead of “incontinence.” Although the words certainly look similar, I still don’t know how that misprint occurred–you have to proofread your writing.

Although, it could be that it was intentional–maybe they’ve had problems with patients who get so pissed off that they can’t see the doctor that they end up pissing on themselves.

“Mom, me and Kate are going to the movies.”

“You and who?”

[Ample eye-rolling] “Ugh. KATE AND I are going to the movies.”

I can largely credit my mom with making me the grammar geek I am today. Growing up at a time when Valspeak– oh yes, that horrific speech pattern has such a name — was brought back to style thanks to Clueless, proper grammar forms were sliding down the drains. My sentence-forming skills suffered during this period, but I was saved by my mom’s relentless badgering and her magical trick for avoiding the I/me confusion.

Before I introduce you to that magical trick, here’s a quiz to see if you’re an offender of this grammar rule. Which sentence is correct?

1. a) Me and Anthony are baking banana bread!
or
b) Anthony and I are baking banana bread!

2. a) Look at this photo of me and my sister.
or
b) Look at this photo of my sister and I.

If you answered (b) for the first question, you can be proud that you have not fallen victim to faulty grammar. If you chose (a), worry not, because I’m about to (gently) set you straight for future conversations.

If you answered (a) for the second question, I applaud you for not falling in my sly trap! Question #2 is actually an example of overcorrection — when people worry so much about making a mistake, that they actually undermine themselves by fixing grammar that wasn’t broken.

So, What’s the Rule?

If you are the subject of your sentence, use the subjective case — “I.” If you are the object, use the objective case — “me.” If you’re confused, check out this helpful link that Jesse provided last week on the pronoun case.

Who Cares?

I’ll admit — a lot of people don’t care. But in the following situations, it’s very useful to know when to use “I” and when to use “me”:

1) If your job involves writing. If you’re a copywriter, a CEO, or even a lowly intern who writes memos, it’s in your best interests to be grammatically correct. Sure, your reader may not notice the error, but they will probably respect your work just a teeny bit less if they do notice (or a lot less, if they are an editor or grammar geek).

2) If you want to impress your boyfriend’s schoolteacher mom, or that foxy librarian you scored a date with. For the portion of the population that thrives on such grammar quibbles, an I/me mistake will be forever lodged in their minds.

3) If you just like being right. If you learn this rule, you don’t have to worry about some snarky grammar geek correcting you. Or, if you find yourself so inclined, you can even be that snarky one yourself.

Now, on to the magical trick.

Try Out This Grammar Magical Trick

This trick works very similarly to Jesse’s advice in the We/Us dilemma post:

Simply take the other person out of the sentence.

Example: “Look at this photo of my sister and I” becomes “Look at this photo of I.”

Now, that doesn’t sound right, does it?

On the other hand, it is completely correct to say “I am baking banana bread.”

When in doubt, just run this quick test through your head. Pretty soon, I/me usage will become automatic!

What grammar tricks do you have up your sleeve?

[Editor's Note: Special thanks to Zoë Westhof of the Essential Prose Blog for this guest post.]

“Us guys like to play hard.”

Or

“We guys like to play hard.”

What about these two?

“I think for the most part us small business people are the backbone of the economy.”

Or

“I think for the most part we small business people are the backbone of the economy.”

The answer?

If you answered that the second sentence correctly used its pronoun in each set of sentences, you’re right. If you chose the first sentence in each set, you need to brush up on pronoun case.

To make it simple, we is in the subjective case, which means it functions as a subject in sentences. Us is in the objective case, and it functions as an object.

People mix up we and us a lot, usually using us when they should be using we. Since this mistake doesn’t really confuse one’s meaning, it probably doesn’t matter in casual conversation, or even perhaps, in casual writing.

But if you’re writing professionally, either for publication (newspaper, magazine article, etc.) or for your business (company website, product brochures, marketing materials, etc.), getting the pronoun case right does matter.

The more attention to detail that you display in your writing, the higher the likelihood that you’ll pay attention to detail when creating or selling the product you’re writing about. People like to do business with folks who pay attention to detail and project excellence across the board.

I know for myself that when I’m reading an otherwise good blog post, magazine article, or sales pitch, seeing these small writing mistakes detracts from the writer’s overall credibility. I’m more likely to trust the sales copy that’s written with precise grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

That’s just how it is.

A Simple Trick to Get This Right

Here’s an easy way to remember how to get this right, without having to delve too deeply into grammar textbooks.

Employ the following test the next time you’re not sure which pronoun to use. Simply remove the subject the pronoun is emphasizing and then say the sentence out loud.

For example, say you wrote a sentence that said:

“I think on the whole us cable news commentators take politics way too seriously.”

Remove the subject cable news commentators so that you have:

“I think on the whole us…take politics way too seriously.”

Does that sound right or natural? To most of us, probably not.

It sounds much more sensible to say:

“I think on the whole we … take politics way too seriously.”

In most cases (on this issue at least), what sounds right is right. Thus, you should write:

“I think on the whole we cable news commentators take politics way too seriously.”

Try that exercise out whenever you’re not sure whether to use we or us. It should be pretty clear pretty fast.